Pretending to Be the Lover of an Esper C4

Chapter 4

Almost instantly, an undeniable intuition struck me—that I might have gravely misjudged something.
“You’re holding a grudge against me because hyung got hurt back then… aren’t you?”
A short, derisive laugh slipped past his lips, muffled beneath a low murmur.
A grudge… he calls it a grudge.

When our eyes met again, anger was etched clearly across Lee Tae-eon’s face. Why?
“Ji Yunseong, you must think I’m one of those filthy Espers who discriminate against and look down on guides.”

In a blink, Lee Tae-eon closed the gap between us. His shadow loomed over me, forcing me to step back on reflex.
I was not particularly short, but before his towering height—easily past 190 centimeters—and that lean, solid frame, I was helpless. That oppressive expression certainly did not help; a chill traced down my spine.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not a bigot. I’m a perfectly normal man who despises the kind of bastard that seizes the chance to molest someone bleeding out and unconscious.”

His voice was almost a whisper. I was just about to scowl when a sudden, searing memory pierced my mind.
No… no way.
“You… back then—”

His lips parted.

I couldn’t look away. The fleeting sensation I’d felt in a reckless moment—that touch—was frighteningly familiar…

And then, before I could trace the memory fully, his voice dropped like a verdict.
“You kissed hyung.”

Ah… ah.

Words deserted me. Every motion froze at once—perhaps even my heartbeat. In seconds, it felt as though all the blood in my body had evaporated.

I did not even have the presence of mind to picture my own expression. Lee Tae-eon looked down at me, clearly aware of how pale I had gone. Suddenly, overwhelmingly, I wanted to flee those dark, weighty eyes.

You kissed hyung.

Those words alone awakened a storm of emotions that tore at me—shame, guilt. Without realising it, I had lowered my gaze, the wood grain of the floor coming into view.

When I lifted my head just slightly, his face was stripped of any trace of earlier heat, chillingly emotionless—as if it had all been a game until now. No, not quite; there was one feeling that burned vividly in his eyes.

Undisguised hate. Hate for me.

I had to say something—anything.
“When did you see—”

I clamped my mouth shut with an audible click of teeth. A mistake. Completely wrong. This was not the answer I should have given. I should have played dumb, brazenly denied everything. He could have only been fishing for a reaction, suspecting my feelings for hyung and probing for confirmation.

But how could it have shown? How could he possibly know? My mind spun desperately, trying to scrape together an explanation, while my gaze flitted in panic.

He smirked, as if my disarray amused him. Stepping forward again, he bent close. It all seemed to move in slow motion—not because time had slowed, but because his movements were deliberately unhurried.

His breath touched the curve of my ear, his whispering voice pressing a chill deep into me.
“You think I hate sharing a guide with family? Ji Yunseong, I don’t bother with thoughts that low, and I won’t even sully my mouth with them. What I hate is the filthy situation where I have to watch someone feign ignorance and play nice—when I know he molested my family the moment he lost consciousness.”

And I don’t tolerate what I hate.
Straightening, he reclaimed the height between us. Before I could fix my gaze on him in full—

The space widened again, and I opened my mouth to stop him.
“I only did it because I liked hyung. No—no, I was trying to sort out my feelings—”
“And you think that condones it? By that logic, intoxicating the person you like before violating them would be downright romantic, wouldn’t it?”
“…!”

I sucked in a breath so sharp it hurt. Shame boiled up from my toes, climbing higher with each heartbeat. He was right. To exploit the unconsciousness of someone who would never consent—even if asked—and gratify my own desire was undeniably wrong.

“You asked when I saw. The S-class Esper who responded to the call for backup that day—that was me.”
“I… I didn’t know—”
“Of course you didn’t. You were too busy kissing him.”

Ten mouths could not have offered enough words in my defense. He was right again—at least partly. To be precise, I had been half-crazed from shock at hyung’s injury, unable to register who had arrived to help. That was why I hadn’t recognised him then—not because of the kiss alone. But I didn’t voice such a flimsy excuse.

I didn’t even remember how I had explained the situation to the support team that arrived ahead of the doctor’s helicopter. I’d been at the far rear with the fallen Tae-young hyung, and the moment I saw his closed eyes—

But at that time, Tae-young already had a lover—now his wife. They had loved each other for over twelve years. He had been preparing to marry her, and had just decided to accompany her overseas for her doctoral studies. I had known all of this—completely.

One last time—just once. I deceived him, clinging to my selfish yearning. Ah, Ji Yunseong… you wretched, filthy fool.

“Wait—wait. I’ll admit it’s my fault. Every bit of it. It was only once, but I regret it still. And… well, I’ve moved on. That was then. It’s over now—done.”
“Don’t you feel sorry for hyung? For your sister-in-law?”
“O-of course… of course I do…”

Sweat dampened my palms. I glanced up instinctively, met the fierceness in his eyes, and looked down again.
“But now… saying anything would only unsettle someone who’s already built a life…”

What I had cherished alone as a precious memory was, in truth, selfish and sordid. Shame clawed at me anew. I pressed my forehead, coughing to hide the sting in my eyes.

Tae-eon tilted his head, goading me to say more. But whatever came out now would be nothing but pity for myself. The trembling that started at my fingertips spread through my arms and body like wildfire. I had no more excuses to give.

It was true that I had moved on from my feelings for hyung. The crush had flared quickly and burned out just as swiftly—a fortunate ending.

Two weeks after ending our pairing, he left for abroad. I was not sad; I could still love him differently. He was a good man, a good colleague, a good friend. That was enough. I hoped that was how I remained to him.

I shut my mouth, unwilling to drag him through my squalid emotional process.

Do you think you have the right to remain a good person in his eyes?

No—truthfully, I was terrified of hearing that answer. I already knew I had no right. The ache in my chest confirmed it.

Lee Tae-eon still gazed down at me with blank, mineral hardness in his eyes. I risked a glance upward, but retreated almost instantly. Whatever else, the mistakes of the past would never change. I was guilty.

“I… I’ll apologise to you too, Tae-eon. I’m sorry. And I swear—this will never happen again. Truly. I committed a grave wrong.”

I rubbed my neck, my sweat-chilled palms only sharpening the heat burning across my nape.

Now that I understood the reason for his earlier rudeness, even meeting his gaze felt awkward. The guilt still dragged shame along with it.

Yet separate from my repentance, resentment began to fester toward the man holding my deepest weakness—a reaction as instinctive as it was repulsive.

“And… ah, this will sound petty, but… could you please not tell hyung? I know what I did was terribly wrong—but there are some truths best left unknown.”
“Well, I have no wish to drag hyung into a scandal, so I agree there. But don’t you find it amusing to say that out loud yourself?”

His voice dripped with ridicule. I bristled on reflex, only to clamp my mouth shut again. How pitiful.
“I… no, you’re right. I was just…”

I trailed off, rubbing at the hot corners of my eyes before offering another apology.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that my life was a mess. Thoughts that filthy should have been locked away, not spilled clumsily in self-pity.

“Well, I understand what you wanted to say. You were rude, very much so… but I see why you hold this grudge. So… I suppose it would be better if I left? I’ll smooth it over with the higher-ups, so you don’t need to worry.”
“…What do you mean?”
“Ending the pairing, of course.”
“I doubt that would be easy.”
“What?”

His tone sounded less like someone hoping to keep the pairing, and more like someone resigned to necessity.

A sudden, unfamiliar question rose in my mind—

Why had Lee Tae-eon waited for me at all? If he didn’t want the pairing, he could have refused from the start—or contacted me beforehand, revealing his leverage and prompting me to reject it myself.

Instead, he chose to meet me face-to-face only after we had both been assigned to the same quarters. Why?