Between A and B C17

Chapter 17

I had been asleep for some time when an unfamiliar voice reached my ears.
“Oh dear, we had no idea whether you were alive or dead, and now we hear of you in such a way.”
“You told me you were an orphan, with no parents or siblings.”
“I might as well have been an orphan.”
“Still, how fortunate this is. To have lived our whole lives without word of each other, and then, just a month before death, to make contact like this. The ancestors must have intervened.”

As consciousness slowly returned, pain began flooding my entire body. I had no time even to think—my eyes brimmed instantly with tears.
“Ugh…… sob, heuuuk……”
“Oh, looks like he’s awake.”
“Quick, call a nurse. Nurse!”

The pain was so great I was afraid to open my eyes. All I could do was cry aloud.

That day had been a family outing. Normally we went only somewhere close by, but Father had said he wanted duck, so we drove further than usual. On the way, we got into a car accident.

My mother and father were killed instantly. I alone survived, with nothing but bruises. The doctor, the nurses, even the uncle and aunt I had never seen before, all said it was a miracle. But I did not know if it was truly something to be grateful for.

“Not even enough to buy an apartment in Seoul. Hah, of course. Thought life might ease up, but no.”
“Still, it’s something. Who finds this kind of money just digging in the ground? We can sell the house and furniture and manage. We could move. The refrigerator looked nice.”
“What we need is cash in hand. Didn’t they squirrel anything away? Any secret stash?”
“No, nothing. Just scraps in the bank. But it looks like they paid off the apartment loan recently. Is that why? Even so, that’s good for us. If the loan was still left, we’d have gotten nothing.”

People I had never seen in my life—calling themselves my uncle and aunt—became my guardians. Without understanding, I was taken into their home to live.
“I’m your uncle, and this here is your aunt. And this is your cousin, Sumin. Say hello and get along. Kang Sumin, greet your cousin. This is Seoju, your younger cousin. He’ll be living with us now.”
“Dad, do I get my own room then?”
“Later. First greet him. Be good to your cousin.”
“Why doesn’t he say anything? Didn’t the hospital say he’s fine? Not a single word.”

When I remained silent, my aunt seized me by the shoulders and turned me as if inspecting a defective product, gripping my chin and twisting it side to side.
“Seoju, can you hear?”
“Leave him alone. His parents died. How can he be fine?”
“He’s only five. What could he know?”
“Children know death. Stop pressing him. Let him be. He’ll speak when he chooses, when he needs something.”
“Dad! When I get my own room, can I have a desk too?”

Voices tangled like snarled thread in the air, falling into my ears. I could hear, but I could not understand. I did not want to speak. I did not want to hear, or to see. Closing my eyes, I clamped my hands over my ears and crouched to the ground.
“What’s wrong with him now?”
“He’s in shock. Just let him sleep.”

When would Mother and Father come to take me home? That single question filled my head.

“Hyung, hyung.”

The voice startled me, and I sat bolt upright. Lee Jinhyuk, startled as well, stepped back and asked,
“What dream did you have to be sweating so much?”
“Huh? No…… why?”
“I just came to ask if you were eating dinner. When did you get home?”
“Ah……”

I found my phone sprawled on the bed and checked the time. Seven p.m. had already passed. Though I felt as if I’d barely slept, hours had gone.
“Of course I’ll eat. Everyone’s here?”
“Yeah, we’re all back. You’re not sick, are you?”
“I’m fine. What’s for dinner?”

As I rose, I felt the stirrings of hunger. Stepping out, Yunoel paused when he saw me, then came closer.
“Hyung, did you skip cleansing oil when you washed your face?”
“What’s that?”
“Ah, no wonder your face is so pale! It didn’t come off!”

I stood blankly, not understanding, until Jinhyuk sighed beside me.
“Noel, it’s not that he didn’t wash. He looks pale because he had a nightmare.”
“A nightmare? What kind of nightmare?”

Both of their eyes turned on me. I waved them off without replying and entered the kitchen, where Kim Kang was crouched, rummaging.
“What are you looking for?”
“I put bibim ramyeon here, but it’s gone.”
“Not there, check above. You’re going to eat ramyeon?”
“Too much trouble. Let’s just boil ramyeon and grill pork belly with it.”

The mention of food drained me of strength—hunger struck hard. I realized I’d barely eaten all day. A salad in the morning, ice cream with Woojin…… that was it.

To save time, I opened the freezer, but Jinhyuk said,
“Looking for the pork belly? It’s in the fridge. I bought it earlier.”
“Hyung, sunscreen doesn’t wash off with water. You need cleansing oil, remember?”
“Fine. How much pork belly should we grill? There are two packs here. Should we just cook it all?”

I pulled out the two one-kilo packs. Jinhyuk took them from me.
“I’ll grill. You sit down and let Noel explain oil to you.”
“……”

Because I had botched cooking a few times, they never let me near food now. This morning it had been the salad dressing. Something about it rubbed me the wrong way, but I watched as Kang pulled out three packs of ramyeon and Jinhyuk the largest frying pan. Noel tugged my arm.
“Come here.”
“What? To tell me about cleansing oil? Fine, I’ll start using it tomorrow.”
“Wash your face again right now. If you break out before a shoot, what will you do?”
“……”

With dead eyes, I let myself be dragged away, listening to a lecture on skincare and my lack of idol awareness. Only after thoroughly washing my face did I emerge, to find the table already piled with meat.
“Hyung, toner and lotion!”

I drifted toward the food, but Noel chased after me with another reminder. Knowing he would nag after dinner otherwise, I obediently went to my room, applied toner and lotion, and returned. On the table lay bibim ramyeon and grilled pork belly, a mountain of it.

Because they had mixed in lettuce, the portion looked huge. I sat and asked,
“How many packs did you cook?”
“Don’t know, Kang did it.”
“Twelve?”
“……And two kilos of pork belly too, right?”

Jinhyuk nodded as he used tongs to portion out ramyeon.
“Wow, looks good.”

Noel’s eyes sparkled, while mine grew doubtful. Just earlier I had been scolded for being un-idol-like in my skincare habits. But was eating twelve packs of ramyeon and two kilos of pork belly between four people “idol-like”? And at night, no less……

“Let’s eat!” Noel declared, his chopsticks raised. His plate was piled twice as high as mine. Smallest build among us, second-best eater after Kang. Still, it was better than not eating.

Because it was noodles and thin pork belly, it didn’t take long to finish. Soon I was washing dishes, Kang beside me.
“Hyung, you said you had a nightmare. What was it? Did Noel appear in it?”
“Hey, why would that be a nightmare? If I appear in a dream, you should buy a lottery ticket!”
“Didn’t he nag you in the dream too, telling you to wash your face? You really did look pale.”

Noel flung the rag he was wiping the table with at Kang, and the two began bickering again. Their squabble became background noise as I finished washing dishes.

Jinhyuk went to wash up. I stretched in the living room, when my phone buzzed. A message from Jung Woojin.
[Hello, sunbae-nim. Sorry for the late hour. I wanted to ask something. Do you like bibim guksu?]
“……”

His wording seemed even more formal than before. Maybe it was my imagination, but given what had happened earlier, guilt pricked me. I sank onto the sofa and leaned back, then called him. He picked up before the first ring had ended.
—Hello, sunbae-nim. Good evening.
“Hey. Did you eat dinner?”
—Dinner? No, not yet. What about you?
“I just finished. Why the sudden question about bibim guksu?”

Woojin answered lightly.
—I saw a photo of it on your Instagram and got curious.

I almost spoke, but then stopped. Compared to the formality of his text, the reason was so trivial it left me dumbfounded. A laugh escaped me.
—Why are you laughing?
“No, it’s just…… You sent such a polite message over something like bibim guksu?”
—Ah…… It was late. I didn’t want to be rude.
“It’s fine. Be casual. You don’t need to be so formal. There’s hardly any age difference between us.”
—Yes.

His voice sounded almost shy. Struck dumb again, I paused before saying,
“I do like bibim guksu. I’m not picky about noodles—I eat them all. I had bibim ramyeon earlier, actually. Why do you ask?”
—Because of the variety show we’re doing. We’ll need to cook and eat on set. I wanted to prepare something you’d like.

“……”

He could have replaced “sunbae” with “teacher” and it wouldn’t have sounded out of place. We’d be filming together soon, and I worried he was too stiff around me. But comfort doesn’t come just by saying “be comfortable.” I decided not to force it.

Time would take care of it eventually.